Recovered

[david]

Hi

I felt like i had to write my story.

I realise that to some of you it might be irrelevant, but, hey...I'm going to do it anyway. If it helps one person...


Aug 2009 I got a little cold virus. It lasted for three days. I was then bedridden for about 20 days. Couldn't walk to the kitchen. Anything was an effort. And then suddenly, it cleared and i went back to work as if it hadn't occurred.

Ok, fast forward to Jan 1st 2011. I got a similar cold virus and again it cleared up after a couple of days but i was left with this feeling of utter exhaustion.

Now, I will point out here that over the previous 24 months my life had been very hectic. A list...

1. Working during the day
2. Gigging at night/Traveling around the country 3 nights week.
3. Late nights
4. Break up of a long relationship/child involved
5. Daily marijuana user
6. Bad eating habits
7. Money worries

But, hey, these things mattered not to me...I was in my 30's, I was indestructable. Wrong.

Ok, here i was in bed on Jan 3rd with exhaustion. It'll pass. It did last time, in 2009. I started counting the days. A week passed. Still exhausted. So much so that i could hardly get out of bed. Genuinely. At one point i remember looking at my legs thinking 'now, i know i can move them, i just have no idea how to do it'. I write that now and think 'what!? Really!?' But at the time it was the scariest thing to happen to me. I started getting into a cycle of panic. Reading about PFVS, CFS, ME on the internet. Reading about other diseases. Convincing myself that i had something deadly. Days passed. I suffered intense pins and needles. I couldn't sleep. 3 hours a night. Pain in my neck. Throbbing. Sweats at night. It was hell. I kept counting the days. I hit 30 days. i was still unable to get outside. Just about manage to get myself around the top floor flat/prison. I was desperate to be 'normal' again. I remember watching the people go about their lives outside. I so wanted to be them. I must say at this point, If i hadn't had the support of my girlfriend i honestly don't know what i would've done. Over the month of Jan (obviously) i stopped smoking marijuana, I went on a crazy diet. Cut out sugar, wheat etc. Tried anything i could. The very gentlest of exercises. I mean gentle. More like breathing exercises than anything else.

Now, here's the thing. After 2 weeks of exhaustion i spoke to a Dr on the phone, he told me that he thought i had PVFS. But, i hadn't actually been to see a DR. I couldn't get out the flat. I was physically 'whacked'. However, my girlfriend made me go to the Dr's at the end of January. (which luckily was a two minute walk away. I am not exagerrating when i say she literally, dragged, pulled, carried me there. It was horrendous for me.)

And then something happened. After seeing the Dr (btw, he said the fatigue will pass soon) I suddenly felt lighter. I physically felt a weight lift. On leaving ther Dr's i managed a 5 minute walk on my own for the first time in 30 days. Over the next two weeks i got better and better until i was able to go to work. Half days. Hurrah.

I worked for 3 weeks. I was 'normal' again. I even went to cricket training. And then...

during cricket training...i got pins and needles in my hands. Weird. What was happening? Within a week i was suffering from exhaustion again. I was gutted. Sofa bound. Upset. Depressed. That feeling each morning, upon waking up of feeling these heavy limbs holding me to the mattress.

To cut the last bit short, I was on the sofa for two months. Two long months. It was the end of May and i had hardly managed anything in 2011. I couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel. I was desperate. Being self-employed i lost 2/3 of my customers. It was truly horrible. Day after day of exhaustion.

Now...this is where i reveal something. Don't judge me!

Not once, during those 5 months had i got a blood test done. I had been offered one. but, I refused. Why? Because i have a blood test phobia. It sounds ridiculous. But, i was petrified of them. Petrified of the needle, petrified of the outcome. However, it just got to the point where i had to have one. 5 months of virtually nil activity.

I had the blood test. Nearly fainted. Pathetic. but, I had it.

And then...

From that moment on, i started getting better. I mean it. From the moment i left the Dr's i felt something shift. I can't explain what...but, this thing in my head shifted. Within 2/3 days i was virtually back to normal. Incredible. That quick.

It's now Jan 2012 and for the past 8 months i have lived a 'normal' life. But, again, here's the thing...

I'm eating way better, I exercise, I run, I play cricket, I don't smoke, I don't work as hard, I've learnt ways to deal with stressful relationships, I've also learnt to say 'no' to people. To look after myself for once.

So, yeh, i know my story is nothing compared to others but what i did experience for 5 months was hell for me. And my from own experience, I believe, for me, it was a build up of stress. Diet. Smoking. Sleep. Work. Ex relationship. Fears. My lifestyle was appalling when i look back. It's only now i can see that. On top of that my phobia kept me where i was.

I cross fingers i never go back there and i hope this story in someway gives you hope and maybe it might make you look at a part of your life that could be influencing the way you think/behave, which, in turn might be causing the exhaustion.

Good luck

p.s.

When you are well again, you don't think about going on forums like these, you just live your life. I think it's important to come back to these when you're 'well' and let everyone know that you definitely CAN get well again!!! These forums are a great support when you feel helpless. I wish you all well.

p.p.s

when i was at my lowest i 'found' Paul Chek on the internet. Have a look at him. He might be 'nuts', he might be a 'little gem', but whatever, he helped me during those low moments. See what he says. Did he help me get better? I don't know. He certainly helped me to focus on looking after myself where i could.

Hey ho.

Dx

[marion]

excellent..delighted to hear your story.thanx for posting.best wishes for your new healthy life <img src="images/smilies/smile.gif" border=0 />

[Init1972]

What a great post - I was with your all the way until the recovery part BUT one day I will be there too!!

Can I ask what your Blood test results were as you didn't state anything and if you had a confirmed Diagnosis of anything at all?

Thank you for posting as we need to hear these inspiring experiences to know there is hope!!

Les <img src="images/smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0" alt="Big Grin" />

[isis25]

Hi D,

Thanks for posting! Its GREAT to hear people's recovery stories...it gives us all hope! Well done on your new lifestyle...I hope you continue to be healthy!

Ang
x


--
I won't let ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia rule my life, I'll just adjust it accordingly!

[david]

Hello people

my blood tests returned 'normal'. It was at that moment that something seemed to click for me. The fear left me. It was almost as if this fear had been stopping me from living a normal life for 5 months. I wasn't aware it was controlling me, but it obviously was. It's way too coincidental that i got better within hours of getting my results back.

It's crap hearing you guys are going though something similar i truly believe that if you do all the right things. Look after yourself in every way. Physically and mentally. You will get there.

And the great thing about 'getting there' is that life is suddenly a whole lot sweeter on the other side. Strangely, I am glad i went through that crap for 5 months, I appreciate things a lot more now.

And finally, remember, lots of people recover it's just they forget to let everyone know that they have recovered because they are too busy living their lives again. (Ha, never be too busy...learn to relax when you're well...that was my problem in the first place i think)

x

[melanie]

Thanks David The pins and needles thing is what I've had a lot of and not many people seem to share that symptom. I am at 9 months now. I can't play cricket but I can do a 20 minute power walk. I also had a crazy busy life. I was also rescuing a lot of my friends, now I look back. It got quite lonely because I cut a lot of them out (all I did was counselling on a loop). Time to look after me instead and saying no has been vital at work and with friends. Thanks for sharing your story - I can't wait to play cricket! M